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32. Oakland Raiders (0-8) Previous Rk #32
The Raiders lost 24-30 in Seattle in a game that looked slightly closer on paper. At one point it was 30-17 with 2 minutes remaining in the game. Still, give them credit for not giving up and pushing the Seahawks to go the full 60 on the road.
For those keeping their eyes on the schedule for when this team might get a win (go defeated), their next three games are: Broncos, at Chargers, Chiefs. Maybe their slogan should be changed to, “Please, for the love of God, Just Win Baby”
31. New York Jets (1-8) Previous Rk #30
Remember when the Jets and Eagles essentially swapped backup quarterbacks in the offseason and everyone thought the Eagles were IDIOTS for picking up Mark Sanchez? Flash forward to this past week to see now-starter Michael Vick only muster up 10 points before leaving with an injury in the fourth. The Sanchize on the other-hand lead the Eagles to victory after Foles got injured. Truly trying times to be a Jets fan. On a bright side, Percy Harvin had 129 yards receiving.
30. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-8) Previous Rk #31
Much like the Raiders the Jaguars gave their opponent a tough game on the road that unfortunately ended in another loss (23-33). The offense looked good though. Denard Robinson was 6 yards shy of a third consecutive 100 yard rushing game, and Bortles threw for 247 yards, 2 TDs, 1 pics, and 66.7% accuracy.
The defense on the other hand rarely made plays, unless Andy Dalton basically gave them the ball…
29. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-7) Previous Rk #29
You wanna hear desperate words from a desperate coach? Here’s Lovie Smith after his seventh loss of the season in Cleveland, “We’ve got to find a way to win a game now is what we have to do. We’re running out of time.” Running out of time? For what? Your stadium has the sixth lowest sellout rate, and sixth lowest average ticket price in the league ($82.51).
At least your players know how to troll in a losing effort. So ya got that going for ya.
28. Tennessee Titans (2-6) Previous Rk #28
Six teams were on bye this week, including the Tennessee Titans. The Tennesseean published an article on “The 5 Keys to Titans Second Half” and it ran the gambit of cliché (run the football, clean up the penalties, build some confidence), to helpful (get Mettenberger rolling), to ludicrous (bring some excitement). Next three games are against: Baltimore, Pittsburgh, and Philly. Might be a while before the excitement comes for Titan fans.
27. Atlanta Falcons (2-6) Previous Rk #27
Okay, here’s my motivational pitch to the Falcons coming off a bye and sitting at 2-6. At least you’re not 1-7 (seriously how lucky was that week one OT win against the Saints?). Players are bound to come back from injury. And last but not least if you score you get to do the Dirty Bird.
More Dirty Bird= more wins. That’s just a fact.
26. Washington Redskins (3-6) Previous Rk #24
Welcome back RGIII! Let’s check all the great/uplifting storylines following your first start back after injury.
1. You lost to the Vikings 26-29 on the road
2. Reports are that you’ve alienated the locker room.
3. Ownership made the call for you to start, not the coaches, according to source.
4. Your bus drivers can’t even get you safely from the hotel to stadium on Sunday morning…
5. Lastly, your star wide-out is dropping F-bombs in to opposing fans.
Not the best week to be RGIII. At least you still got that Subway sponsorship?
25. New York Giants (3-5) Previous Rk #23
With 13:23 left in the game last night, the Giants were down 40-10 at home and Tom Coughlin looked like he was perpetually stuck in this position the entire night.
Can’t have a more “What the hell” face then that. Eli is probably so used to it by now that he knows to just continually look forward and at no towards the sideline. Coughlin did actually change positions at one point. He tried to challenge a call early in the game, but because the flag was stuffed so deep in his sock he couldn’t get it out in time.
The following play resulted in a Colts touchdown, and had he made the challenge in time it probably would’ve reversed the previous call. Oh well!
24. Carolina Panthers (3-5-1) Previous Rk #20
It might be time to go ahead and cancel any thought of the Panthers going to the playoffs. After having a legitimate shot at the beginning of the season, the Panthers are now 0-3-1 in the past four games. In those games Cam Newton has a TD-Turnover ratio of 5-5 (two of those rushing), and averaged only 202 passing yards/game. The shortened week also didn’t help as three of his five regular offensive lineman were out with injuries.
Can’t hate on the shoe game though, those are on point.
23. St. Louis Rams (3-5) Previous Rk #26
The Rams roller coaster season continued this week, with a divisional win on the road in San Fransisco, 13-10. This time they won with all defense. They sacked Colin Kaepernick 8 times on Sunday for a total loss of 54 yards, and forced two fumbles from the quarterback. One of those on a goal-line stand on the last play of the game.
Take notes other defensive players, this is how you sack dance. No jumping and risking injury. Just pure sex appeal.
22. Minnesota Vikings (4-5) Previous Rk #25
Running backs is the story coming out of Vikings camp this week. First, rookie Jerick McKinnon rushed for 54 yards in a win over the Redskins. Second, Matt Asiata rushed for three touchdowns (only 26 yards) in that win. And last but not least, He-who-should-not-be-named is close to reaching a plea deal in his child abuse case, allowing him at least the possibility to return to the field this season.
21. Houston Texans (4-5) Previous Rk #22
Coach Bill O’Brien dropped the ominous line, “I think we have to evaluate everything,” following the 31-21 loss to the Eagles. The speculation is that he’s shielding his comments about quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick, instead of just calling him out directly. To make matters even worse, rumors started flying when backup Ryan Mallet sent out this tweet (that has since been deleted) following the game:
“I’m staying focused for when the time comes…seize the opportunity #justwaiting.”
He tried to cover up his tracks the next day with this statement:
20. Chicago Bears (3-5) Previous Rk #21
Despite the bye week the sky is still falling in Chicago. Coach Trestman’s job is apparently at risk. The locker room is still in disarray. And Jay Cutler is taking shots from former teammate Brian Urlacher. Maybe it’s time for someone else to take over at QB for the Bears…
…or maybe not.
19. Cleveland Browns (5-3) Previous Rk #19
The Browns are set up nicely nine weeks into the season. In the only division with all teams at winning records Thursday night in Cincinnati is going to be pivotal. The offensive looked okay, but the real story we’re these two plays on defense and special teams.
*Chris Berman voice* “WHOOOOOP”
And this filthy tip interception by Pro-bowler Joe Haden
18. San Francisco 49ers (4-4) Previous Rk #11
The 49ers repeatedly shot themselves in the foot in a loss to the Rams. With 4:26 remaining in the game, punter Andy Lee shanked a punt so bad from his own 6 yard-line that it gave the Rams the ball back inside the 30. His reaction right after the punt (make sure your sound is on)…
Then, down by three on third down with less than 10 seconds to go they tried a QB sneak with Kaepernick, which resulted in a fumble. Game over. No overtime. No chance at winning.
17. San Diego Chargers (5-4) Previous Rk #9
Here’s all you need to know about the Chargers 0-37 loss in Miami this past Sunday.
And after three straight losses they’re in deep trouble. All that comes to mind is this song…
16. Buffalo Bills (5-3) Previous Rk #16
6 teams on bye, only one gets the treatment, hit it!
15. New Orleans Saints (4-4) Previous Rk #17
The Saints finally answered the call and won a game on the road Thursday night in Carolina. We all know they’re almost unbeatable in the Superdome, but this was their first win on the road since last November in Atlanta, which coincidentally was a Thursday night game as well. Mark Ingram had himself a workhorse night, getting 30 rushing attempts resulting in 2 scores and 100 yards. Jimmy Graham continued to feast on the Panthers as he normally does putting up 83 yards and a score, and this ridiculous hop leaving a defender looking silly…
14. Baltimore Ravens (5-4) Previous Rk #13
The Ravens ran into the white-hot Steelers on Sunday night, giving up 43 in a loss on the road. They gave up 22 in the second quarter as a result of a Joe Flacco pick and a Lorenzo Taliaferro fumble. Frustrations came to a head when Terrell Suggs picked up a 15 yard penalty on this dirty play after the whistle…
13. Miami Dolphins (5-3) Previous Rk #18
After an emotional week for head coach Joe Philbin, who lost his father of 93 on Friday, the team seemed to rally around him for an incredible 37-0 victory over the Chargers. Miami forced four turnovers and only allowed the Chargers to cross the 50-yard-line ONCE. When the game was over the team gave their head coach a celebratory gatorade/water shower (much to the refs dismay)…
12. Kansas City Chiefs (5-3) Previous Rk #15
Crazy stat of the day: Alex Smith has thrown ZERO passing touchdowns to wide receivers this year. Of his eleven touchdowns (tied for 15th in the league) 5 have gone to running backs, and the other 6 have gone to tight ends Kelce and Fasano. Even when he tries to throw a touchdown to a receiver, like he did against the Jets when he was looking for Dwayne Bowe, a tight end still ended up with it.
Go bananas Chief fans!
(BTW: Nothing says diehard fan like a Chicago Blackhawks jersey at an NFL game between Kansas City and New York)
11. Cincinnati Bengals (5-2-1) Previous Rk #12
That is a great stat is you’re a Bengals fan, not only because it’s the second best current streak in the league (behind the Patriots), but also they play this Thursday at home against their in-state rival Cleveland Browns. Early weather report calls for rain and low temps on Thursday night in Cincy.
If you’re looking for a warm place to tailgate stop on by the Official Tixers Tailgate. You can play corn hole, have a drink, and yell at me if you don’t like where your team is ranked.
10. Seattle Seahawks (5-3) Previous Rk #10
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